I was walking in Memphis...

Kids are expensive these days...

Its always nice to have something in common with people you meet, family is often something I talk about, particularly where I meet other fathers whose kids are similarly aged to mine.  This week I got a real sense of the cost of having a child…not the clothes, or the toys, or the food or even the schooling, the actual cost of having a child in the States.

When my two were born it was off to the Royal and despite the pain (Rhona squeezed my had so hard when Eilidh was being born I never thought the bruising would go) our kids arrived safely and healthily and Rhona was well looked after throughout.   Eilidh was born on a bed and Gregor in an operating theatre.  After Gregor we left the hospital after a week and with Eilidh we left a few hours after her birth.  In both cases, we were visited each day at home, for about a week, by a midwife.  It cost us nothing for these great services that helped ensure our family arrived safely and were able to flourish in the early stages of life.

This week I was speaking to a guy who is working two jobs.  One job supports his family, he has a son the same age as Gregor, whilst the other job is paying the $12000 bill he got when his son was born.  His medical insurance didn’t cover pregnancy.  His family was fortunate, it was a cheap birth; one midwife, in a hospital room and very quick discharge.  Thankfully he had no need for an operating theatre and all that entails and there was certainly no midwife visiting his new son.  Finance precluded the latter and he shook at the thought of the cost of the former.

I don’t know what it ‘costs’ to have a baby in the Scotland.  I’m guessing much the same as here in the US, its just that we approach it differently.  I guess I thought a lot about medical insurance if I got hurt or suddenly became ill whilst here; but the medical cover ordinary people need to have is for ordinary things, not just accidents or the unexpected.  In a sense, nothing should be more ordinary than having a baby.  Having to work two jobs for 8 years to pay for the birth of one, sound in the knowledge you can’t afford the arrival of a second, is, I think, a bit of a life less ordinary.  

There is much discussion about healthcare, Obamacare and medicine here.  We are, I feel, blessed to have the NHS...something a number of folk I have spoken to are somewhat jealous of.

Violence on ice

Talking of the need for medical insurance, I went to see the Capitals hockey game this week, that's hockey they do on ice here.  If there is a harder team sport anywhere on the planet, I have yet to see it…phenomenal ability to move on ice, accurately move a thing about the size of a pancake about the ice and sustain massive, massive body blows... It surpasses anything I have ever come across…just saying.

Shooters in schools...what happens when the call comes in

I’ve been at Leesburg Police Department a few times over the last couple of weeks.  Last week they had to respond to a call in relation to potential active shooter in a local high school.  Fortunately, this was, as we would say in the police, a false alarm with good intent.  The cops did not know that when they initially responded.  Yesterday I was privileged to be at the debrief for the incident.  Without going into details, this was a great learning experience.  Leaders, across the service, were candid recognising both learning points and the positive way the department responded.  Communications and social media being just two issues that were discussed.  This could have been a disaster, it was not, I think that was in great part down to the positive way these officers responded when asked.

I also got a sense yesterday of the bravery of the police in dealing with this call.  The call came in at 0806 and by 0816 cops were off at the school searching for the suspect.  Its important to put that in perspective - this was fathers, mothers, wives and husbands who went to their work last week and, when the call came, each, to a person, swallowed the brave pill and went into a place where they had a genuine belief that there was a person with a gun seeking to kill students and to kill them.  People often say ‘ah but they are trained for that’; maybe so, but reflect on that for a moment.  These people were literally putting their lives at risk to save others.  No matter how much training you have, thats a big ask.  Last week the Leesburg cops were asked and they certainly answered the question positively.  It was a privilege to be around them.

This got me reflecting on the issue of active shooter once again.  Having spoken to a few people about this, it seems that the American awareness of this issue has significantly moved following the number of atrocities that have been committed here.  Active shooter incidents are now expected in the US, not just by the cops and emergency responders, but by citizens.  New tactics have been developed, citizens now train for this eventuality in their work places and risk assessments are undertaken by large companies around how to mange such an episode.  People also speak, they look for changes in behaviour in staff members, they discuss these changes internally and, where appropriate, they discuss them with the police.  Its a difficult subject, but one the States seems to have grasped…perhaps there are lessons to be learned for some of us in Scotland?

Gun control...I'm still not there yet

I guess any issue around active shooter is linked to gun control.  That’s not something that goes down too well here.  Guns are important here and if a particular State allows  non-concealed weapon to be carried, for many, that the end of the matter.  For example, if, in this State of Virginia, a citizen walks down the road carrying a gun and it is licensed and on open display there is no offence, furthermore, for the cops to go and challenge that individual it may well be construed as an unlawful search.

I’m still thinking about the whole guns thing, so this is still just a view in progress, but I don’t think America loves guns.  I actually think America loves its Constitution and many Americans want to be able to exercise constitutional rights.  The constitution says, as I read it, that “A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed”.  I think this was to keep George III’s army down during the war of independence and so, I’ve still not worked out why that should allow somebody to walk around Virginia with a gun out? I’m not sure the Brits have a standing army ready to invade…do they?

As I say, still not fully formed thoughts yet, but I’m working on it.

The King and I

Talking of kings, I went to see Elvis this week!  I had a weekend in Memphis, home of the blues and what a memorable trip that was. Sun Studios, where the first blasts of rock and roll were recoded was great, seeing guitars being made at the Gibson factory was interesting and chatting to cop, who was in full uniform, in a blues bar, at 2330hrs enjoying his break with his wife, before heading out again was great too!  Yup, in the bar at half eleven I found this guy…

He was enjoying a catch up with his wife during his meal break on the 1900 - 0700 shift.  This struck me as just plain wrong as this would be illegal in Scotland, but hey, this was Beale Street, Memphis.   Something else that would have been illegal in Scotland but which was okay here was smoking in bars.  Really?  How long did it take us as a nation to realise that smelling that way after a night out was not a good thing and that going out to a place of entertainment that stinks is not a great way to spend the night?  Hopefully, Memphis will catch up on that one soon.

Graceland was fantastic, I thought it would be a bit cheesy and tacky but really its not.  As a bit of a music fan, I found it both interesting and moving.  Of course there was a spin on it, nobody mentioned barbiturates, bathrooms or, indeed, any of the other vices Elvis had.  But I was left feeling he was a good guy who did a lot of good in the community.  I never spoke with anyone who had a bad word to say about him.  Lots of people knew or knew of Elvis and not in the ‘Sheen Canary delivered my granny’s milk’ kind of way (any non Edinburgh folk feel free to get in touch for an expansion of that!).  People talked about the money he gave to charities in Memphis and  people my age talked about him coming to school parties with gifts.  All in, the positives seemed to offset the negatives.

The big thing in Memphis is the music.  I guess that’s no surprise and I really did enjoy both the history of it and listening to some great bands in and around Beale Street.  What Memphis makes significantly less noise about is its place in the Civil Rights Movement.  It was in Memphis that MLK was killed.  The motel he was staying in, the Lorraine, is now the National Civil Rights Museum, which was, unfortunately, closed when I was there.  He was shot outside room 306 which is preserved and marked as a national place of interest.  

Whilst I never caught sight of any racism whilst I was there, Memphis is reputed to be place where there are high levels of racial tension; which makes me even more surprised the Civil Rights focus is not sharper.

Proper King Rib Supper!

I had to eat in Memphis and, keeping my when in Rome thing going, I headed off, on recommendation to Cozy Corner for ribs which were fantastic.  It was formica tables, soft drinks only, papers plates, no forks only a spoon.  The spoon was necessary to eat the vegetable side dish…macaroni cheese!  It was a great place and an experience, particularly as both the taxi driver and the lady serving made clear, the walk into town I had planned after dinner was not the safest!

Baby-Face Adams

There being no alcohol in the diner was a good thing.  My hands were sticky with the ribs and the great sauce they came in and so, had there been a beer available I’d have been in no position to get my ID out to prove I was over 21.  Now, its fair to say, I’ve not looked under 21 since I was 14, so all this getting ID’d everywhere was something of a culture shock for me.  It started in the plane over, I was asked by the KLM steward to prove I was over 21…seriously, on a plane, on my own, with this haggard face?  

I have been asked to prove I’m over the legal drinking age in supermarkets when buying bottles of beer and when I go into a good number of bars.  This is something that is done as a routine in the US.  Its also done regardless of the aged face the aspirant drinker is wearing.  This too, is a bit of a different approach to the UK where I always feel that the asker is almost being apologetic in seeking to ascertain that somebody is old enough to drink.  I think I prefer the American approach generally and it also makes me feel youthful which is particularly nice!

You say tomato

Language is always a thing of interest here.  In Scotland when we are visiting or together in a bar or being spoken to by a bartender, its normal to ask, something along the lines of ‘what can I get you a drink’? In the US the language is different and that takes a bit to work out.  ‘You need anything’? is whats normally asked.  The answer is probably yes and more complex than just ‘another beer please’!  I don’t know enough about the English language to properly understand the nuance of it all, but it seems to me that the Scottish approach is more direct and explicit and puts the emphasis on the vendor to make clear whats on offer…’you havvin a heavy pal’?  As they would say in the Diggers.  Whilst Americans have a more reactive and implicit approach that puts the onus on the recipient to make clear what they want rather than being thankful for what’s being offered.  We are, on occasion, a self conscious lot, us Scots, and that does not always get you a drink in the States!

So, what I’ve learned this week

Children are more expensive than I thought.

I understand the police get it wrong sometimes, but they are brave souls too.

Carrying guns is about so much more than just guns.

Not smoking in pubs is a very good thing indeed.

You’ve got to be proactive if you want a beer!

Thoughts and comments gratefully received.

Very best

Richie